Lessons on Loss

It's well past my bedtime, and although I am tired, I am not ready for bed. My mind is still racing, with so many thoughts still fresh. This may seem like a strange "first" post, but I feel like God's hand is guiding.

I want this blog to become a place where the leaders of Reach can share openly about what God is teaching them, and other ladies can post comments and reaction back to what we post. There are no designated topics, nor are they are any off-limit topics. Some posts will be fun and light. Other posts will be deeper and more insightful or emotional. No matter what, the purpose is for us to be unified as sisters in Christ and to continue to stick with each other on this journey of faith.

So that's where we begin tonight -- and with me being stuck on loss.

I attended a memorial service tonight for a former classmate of mine. She tragically took her own life and the life of her child several weeks ago. Since I found out last week, I have been devastated. This was a classmate who I saw in action, and she was a gifted counselor. She was an amazing and beautiful person, and she had overcome so much. She was a survivor in every aspect of the word -- she had endured more than most humans can imagine, and she carried on. She struggled with mental illness, but she seemed like she was on the path to victory. And then she snapped. For reasons we will never know, she hit rock bottom and made the ultimate choice to end her life at 33 years of age. She took with her a 6-year-old daughter who struggled with autism. That had to be Ivory's final act of compassion -- those of us who knew her knew how much she lived for and loved her daughter. She was likely trying to save her daughter from the life of pain she knew too well. It is nothing short of utter tragedy.

My classmate's name was Ivory Black, and just like her name, she was a contradiction of a person. She was so beautiful on the outside yet insecure on the inside. She had wit and grace and humor, yet she knew pain at the deepest of levels. She had survived a horrific amount of abuse from a very young age, to the point that she even "left" her life and changed her name in an attempt to start over. She was so many things to each of us, yet quitter was not one. That's what makes this loss so hard. None of us saw it coming.

The world feels different right now without Ivory and Sydney in it. Mental illness is such a tricky thing. Ivory was a sick person, and not because of anything she did. Life dealt her a very ugly hand, and yet she played it so well for so long. I know my life will forever be affected because I knew Ivory. In just a short time knowing her, she taught me a lot. My hope now is that she is finally at peace.

Welcome!

Since I have more free time on my hand these days (= masters degree is done!), I'm finally going to pick back up blogging my thoughts...

You'll notice on this site that I've linked the blogs of several women whose site I like to read. If you want to link your site here, let me know.

The purpose of this site is for me, and maybe in the future some other women leaders at nlcf, to share what God is teaching us.

Welcome to the Reach Blog!